LET'S MEAT BEN

It has been a while since I, or anybody actually, has spoken to our protagonist Ben Scherr. One can only guess at the exciting and wild things that he is encountering while in Anne Arbor. Women? Certainly. Entourage of ballers? Most definitely. Cheesy delicious fondue being served on his naked body? I expect nothing less.  When Ben left us years ago, pinny on his back and lax stick gripped in his big monkey hands, we knew he would rock the state of Michigan. But unfortunately, there was a time when our hero was lacking three important things that many of us take for granted. Unable to find work, unable to find the comfort of friends, and unable to find food, Ben was forced to seek out... alternatives. Without work, Ben was forced into fighting homeless women for their grocery carts. His only friend was Billy, a rotten old Krispy Kreme glazed donut he found behind the dumpster he slept under, often times bitterly resisting the urge to eat it. Having gambled away all of his college funds, the bald one was forced to perform certain indecencies behind a Wal-Mart parking lot. Soon enough Billy wasn't the only one with a glazed hole. Eventually Ben made enough money to get back on his feet, and with a little bit of luck and just the right amount of pizazz, he became the illustrious loudspeaker that we all know and love. To honor the hardships he went through, I will guess what Ben Scherr probably ate last night for dinner.

That's right folks, Ben Scherr probably ate an old shoe. From stripping the sole off like pieces of beef jerky to twirling the shoestrings in his fork like some linguini, Ben Scherr probably ate the whole damn shoe. The Chinese-made pleather was no match for his sharp cuspids. Knowing what hes been through at Michigan, this was probably a piece of cake for the man. I imagine he chose to go Bear Grylls style and chase it down with a warm glass of his own urine. Later in the night, Ben awoke from his slumber to pass a bowel movement, and this is what came out:

I give last night's memorial dinner a solid 1/10 Jeffs.

  

Welcome!

Please allow myself to introduce... myself. Some know me as Simeon; others, as Adam Jeffers' best friend. And if you're an avid follower of Mr. Jeffers on Facebook and/or Twitter (if you aren't wtf are you doing with your life?), you know that he has recently created an enticing blog in which he describes and rates his daily prepared meals. Bravo Jeff, bravo. While perusing through his exciting posts (trying my best to ignore all the grammar mistakes and errors- I've seen better prose on Ryan Bass facebook statuses), the idea of a new blog began to germinate somewhere in my incredibly large brain. Of course I happened to simultaneously be thinking of what our flamboyant friend Ben Scherr was probably eating, as many of us do so often. Thus flowered this blog so that we may come together, discuss what Ben Scherr is probably eating, and gander long and hard at the reasoning behind it. Friends, family, I extend my hand to thee! Follow me on this magical journey where down is up, up is left, and Jeff... is straight! Oh, one more thing before we start. In honor of Sir Jeff's blog having inspired me, I will stamp each post with a rating in "Jeffs". Watch out Zagat!

P.S.- You can find Jeff's blog here http://thisiswhatjeffeats.blogspot.com/